Saturday, October 14, 2006

Chickening Out

Okay, so I didn't go to the event where the news guy would be, for several very good reasons:
1) I didn't wake up until around 9, and the event started at 10. It's a 20-minute drive to get there, and I'd have needed a shower (and lots of primping time).
2) The hayfever came back with a vengeance last night, and I didn't think it would be the smartest thing in the world to go to an event at a restored historic farm where the activities would include hay rides. Not to mention the fact that I certainly wouldn't have been at my best for first impressions. I look and sound like I should be shuffling around in a ratty terrycloth bathrobe with fuzzy bunny slippers and a wad of tissues in my hand. I even bit my tongue while sneezing this morning (ouch!). I pretty much embody most of the seven dwarves right now -- I've got Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Wheezy (or did I make that one up?) and Grumpy to go along with my usual Bashful. Not very attractive.
3) This is probably the biggest one. I wouldn't have been all that interested in this event if the guy weren't going to be there, and I have this personal rule/belief/superstition that if you go out specifically looking for love or even to meet someone, that automatically dooms the endeavor. Maybe this comes from that unrealistically romantic nature of mine, and it may be a big reason I'm still single. But I still believe that the best way to find what you're looking for is just by living your life, doing the things you love to do and want to do, and if it's meant to be, that other person will be there, too. When you go with the sole purpose of meeting someone, it creates a different kind of energy and changes your expectations, which lowers the chances of success. That's one reason I don't do online dating (I did try it once) -- the only reason you're doing it is to meet someone, and it feels desperate. This event was billed as a "family day," and that's the kind of thing that makes singles feel very out of place, alone and invisible. If I didn't get a chance to talk to or meet this guy, or if I did meet him and he was a jerk or showed zero interest in me, then I'd have got nothing out of the day and would have probably just been depressed. It only would have worked well if it was the kind of thing where I'd have gone and had fun, no matter who might be there (and if I hadn't been sneezing my head off).

Instead, I'm having a rare house cleaning day. Well, sort of. I did dishes, have done some kitchen cleaning and am doing laundry. I also hope to do some reading this weekend. I was out shopping yesterday, which was very depressing. All the clothes they have in the stores right now look like someone threw a black towel into the wash with them, and it bled, so the colors are all murky. But I made a stop by the used bookstore and found a pristine copy of I Capture the Castle on the clearance shelf. There might have been a slight squeal and a bit of a bounce when I saw it. Because I do like to support authors, I severely limit what I'll let myself buy used. I'll buy out-of-print books, books by dead authors (who don't need to build careers), and big bestsellers whose careers are going okay (which allows me to devote my new-book money to authors where my purchase really makes a difference). As Dodie Smith is no longer with us, this book fit into the second category, so I felt no guilt. I checked this one out of the library when I last read it, and I've been planning to get a keeper copy to re-read. It's a book that makes me happy.

Now I think I'll go clean my bathroom/dressing area.

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