Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Mind Games and Inventions

I sometimes play this game when I'm sick: When I reach the point where I'm sick of being sick and just want to be well, I tell myself when I go to bed at night that the next morning, I'll wake up well. I'll remind myself of the wonderful things I can do the next day if I'm well that I won't be able to do if I'm still sick. I mostly did this back when I had a regular job because I pretty much hated my jobs -- public relations isn't a good career choice for someone with a telephone phobia. I disliked going to work so much that the worst flu was a pleasant respite from the office. Even with the aches and fever and not being able to breathe, at least I was home, curled up on my sofa with a cup of tea and a movie on, instead of at the office. So after a few days of enjoying not being at work, I had to test myself as to whether I really was still sick or if it was psychosomatic and I just didn't want to go to work. I knew that if I still woke up sick after my little pep talk, then I was really sick, but if it was just the dreads and not wanting to face the office, then I'd be well.

I played that game Saturday night because I really did want to go to church. We were singing one of my favorite anthems Sunday morning, and I didn't want to miss it. But I was way too sick to go anywhere. Yesterday I was still pretty awful, and I was even running fever. Last night I gave myself the pep talk again. I didn't wake up suddenly well, but I'm much, much better. I'm more stuffy than sniffly, I actually slept last night instead of waking up to cough constantly, and I don't think I've sneezed yet today. But I am still pretty stuffy, and I feel like if I leaned forward, my head would hit the floor and then go through it. I don't know whether or not I'd have gone to work today with a regular job. Even though I love what I do, there are times when I get the don't wannas, or when I'm afraid of what I need to write next and come up with reasons to put it off. That's why I gave myself the pep talk last night and decided that I would be well. I suspect I'm a little afraid of coming up with a good ending to this book. I think I'm going to try for a regular working schedule today and face that fear head-on. I'm not sure if ballet will happen tonight, though. My equilibrium is a bit off, there's that problem with the super-heavy head, and I probably need to rest.

In the past couple of days, I've mentally invented the Cold Caddy. It would be a sling you wear around your neck or over your shoulder that holds a box of tissues for when you don't dare go more than an arm's reach from a tissue box but need your hands free. There would be a pouch on the side you could line with a small plastic bag for easy and hygienic disposal of used tissues. Maybe there could be a pocket on the other side to hold things like cough drops or lip balm. Then you could easily wander miserably from room to room and still have everything you need handy. I haven't yet come up with a solution to the problem of having a cup of hot liquid in your hand when you suddenly need to sneeze other than fighting back the sneeze while rushing for the nearest flat surface. I suppose the best option there is the grown-up sippy cup (the travel mug).

We shall see if I have enough brainpower today to do any medical writing. Yesterday reading about research studies was right out. I'd have been way too tempted to write a series of scripts about dealing with having a cold. And I've just realized that it's writing post week, and I have no ideas at all and no potential posts saved up. Does anyone have a writing question you want me to attempt to address while I'm still in a slightly foggy state?

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