Monday, March 02, 2009

Looking for Killer Robots

I never did make it out to that movie or to the errands, but I did some cooking, reading and relaxing, and now that it's March (happy Texas Independence Day!), I think I have to force myself out of hibernation mode and get my act together.

In other news, my Friday science fiction viewing is disappointing me again. After the killer mutiny two-parter on Battlestar Galactica, they've gone all talky again, but this time instead of C-SPAN in space, it's Lifetime in space. By the end of the last episode, I was yelling, "For the love of all that is holy, will someone please stop philosophizing and SHOOT SOMETHING!" It didn't help that they've also gone into contemplative thinky mode on Sarah Connor Chronicles, where our friendly neighborhood Terminator is relegated to making pancakes.

Seriously, people, what part of "killer robots" do you not understand? What good is a TV series about killer robots if the killer robots just sit around being pensive and contemplating the nature of existence? The killer robots don't have to be bad guys. Good killer robots can be our friends. But it's nice if every so often they get to do something killer roboty, you know?

So that I can get appropriate killer robot activity levels in my entertainment, I've decided that what I need to do is find the shows where people are shooting things and blowing up stuff and generally being awesome and declare some of those people to be either Cylons or Terminators, and then I'll have some proper killer robot shows.

On Chuck, Casey is definitely a Terminator (really, if Adam Baldwin didn't have a steady gig, he'd have to be cast as a Terminator on Sarah Connor Chronicles -- that is, if they needed a Terminator to actually terminate stuff). His picture is in the dictionary next to "killing machine." He may be starting to contemplate humanity, but he doesn't let it get in the way of smashing, shooting, hitting and otherwise destroying anything in his path. Meanwhile, what is it about Chuck's brain that makes him able to hold all that info? I'm thinking Cylon.

Gibbs on NCIS is clearly not human, but I'm not entirely sure if he's a Terminator or a Cylon. He has a lot of Terminator-like characteristics -- he doesn't stay down if he's hit or shot, and he even eventually reboots when blown up. He doesn't seem to feel pain or need food or sleep. He doesn't feel pity, or remorse or fear, and he will not stop until he's solved the case. He drives like a maniac. And that would explain how Mark Harmon is still so hot 25 years after being the Sexiest Man Alive. But then, wouldn't the metal endoskeleton have been noticed during his military career? Being a Cylon could explain the infamous "gut," because then there would be a bunch of psychically linked other Gibbs models tuned into all kinds of surveillance feeds and sending him information. On the other hand, maybe the military knows he's a Terminator, and he's tapped into Skylink to give him info. I think I'm going to go with Terminator because that explains so much.

However, Charlie Crews on Life is totally a Cylon, one of the more philosophical models. He contemplates the nature of the universe when he's not shooting people. But he does shoot people and commit other acts of violence.

The Winchester brothers on Supernatural do lead a very Terminator-like lifestyle. They go around in a cool car with a trunkload of weapons and kill things. But given their penchant for coming back from the dead, I'm going to have to go with Cylons.

So, there we have it, plenty of killer robots doing killer robot things while the characters who are openly killer robots are boring me.

Now, watch them really get it in gear this week after I've said this, and both shows about killer robots will have action in them. I won't complain, though. You can never have too many killer robots.

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