Ready to Start

I thought about venturing into the outside world today, but I opened my front door and the front sidewalk was still glazed in ice, so I went back inside for six more weeks of winter. Or maybe for another day when it's supposed to be much warmer. Depending on how much it warms up today, I may attempt to go to the mailbox (which is a block away, since we don't get door-to-door mail delivery). I might even get really crazy and go to the Indian market down the block for some tea and ginger root, but that may have to wait until tomorrow.

The big thing for today may be the start of a new project. I did my review of my notes and background material yesterday, and I think it's already shaped up well enough for me to get started. Last night I had trouble falling asleep because I found myself developing some characters in my head. The final piece I was missing was the emotional arc, and I think I found that yesterday. I know what happens in the opening few scenes, so really there's not much to do but start, and that's my favorite and least favorite part of a project. It's exciting to plunge into something new, and at the very beginning it's full of possibilities, but then writing that first word seems to start sealing it into reality instead of possibility. The moment that word is written, even if I trash it all and start over again, the book is forever shaped by that word in my head, and it's nearly impossible to erase that impression and make an entirely fresh start.

So, if I get over the angst and don't find some excuses for procrastinating further, I'll be formatting the document and sitting down to write the beginning of something new. I am doing the shuffle to find the soundtrack exercise at the moment, and it's already brought up a few new ideas and possibilities, so that could create some delay, maybe. And no, I won't talk about what it's about or what it's for. This is kind of a side project for a specific purpose that plays into my Grand Plan for World Domination. It's also sort of an experiment.

Meanwhile, I've realized that I kind of fail at self-indulgence. Yeah, I manage the little stuff like time wasting and eating chocolate, but I seem reluctant to treat myself. Part of my parents' Christmas gift to me was money to spend on stuff I want, with the idea that I have more access to things where I live, and I can choose for myself, so I'll know it will fit or not duplicate what I have. And have I done anything with this money but put it in an account where I've used it to pay bills and living expenses? Nope. I haven't gone shopping other than for groceries, etc. Some of that had to do with the fact that the weather got nasty and I got sick during the between-projects phase when I'd planned for some shopping. I'll be at a convention next weekend, so I may do some shopping there, and I may allow myself out next week to look into maybe buying something new to wear at the convention. One of my goals for this year is to get a better handle on those little indulgences like time wasting and then allow myself some true indulgences that will make a difference.